The God Who Sees, The God Who Hears

"Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, 'You are the God who sees me.'"

He sees you today and wants you to know you're beautiful and loved. No need to tidy up or check your makeup or hair. No need to tuck in your shirt, suck in your abdomen, or put your best foot forward. He's already smitten with you. Yes, YOU. If you're anything like me, you're inspired to let out a great big sigh of relief. You are His treasure. I love that Our Heavenly Father sees through all the pretense and airs. His Love cuts through insecurities and pain. He sees beyond our greatest shame and sin, our fears and failures. He Sees Us... and relentlessly pursues us.

We can choose to live closed lives, convinced that God is too busy to be concerned with our insignificant details. But that would kind of fly in the face of a "personal relationship," wouldn't it? In an effort to protect our hearts, maybe it's easier to wrap our head around a big God that is far off than to embrace the truth of a personal God who is crazy about us and loves to hear our voice. What a treasure we have that we can trust our hearts fully to Him. He alone is worthy of all our trust and all our devotion. He alone is God. We can trust Him with our hearts.

I have spent many posts writing about the past 3 years and our season of struggle. It was like driving through a long tunnel and not knowing when we'd see the sun again. It was only then I saw clearly who I was (and was not) and Who God Is (and always will be). Week after week, month after month, year after year, the sun was breaking through until one day I looked around and all I saw was sun pouring through the windows, shining on all the dark spaces and leaving me with pure, unfiltered joy. I am His.

I got a job and start Monday! I ponder it over and over and come face to face with the God Who Hears and the God Who Sees. Tom Hanks said in You've Got Mail, "It's not personal. It's business." Our Heavenly Father says, "It's not business. It's personal." He's all about the details.

Swallowed Up

I am sorry my posts have been so few and far between. There has been a lot going through my heart and mind. So much to consider and process. So much to be thankful for and so much yet to do. A daughter safely planted away at school and blossoming like the wild rose she was from birth. A son full of passion and hunger for independence, straining to break free from the confines of home, ready to embrace manhood and forge a new trail. The past 3 years have in many ways changed us all. We're a little battered and bruised from the wake that was left, maybe wiser and a little more forgiving of each other's faults too. So many changes...and change is just plain hard.

This season of upheaval caused a financial tsunami in our lives but God in His Infinite Goodness kept the wave from overtaking us completely. Being a stay-at-home mom for the last 8 years sort of gave me an excuse not to have to deal with what I wanted to be when I grew up. I've been job searching the last few weeks, and I've had to face those old nagging questions. What am I good at? What do I like to do? There's a certain amount of reinventing myself that needs to be done. I would like to try something new. Even though my mom says I'm good at everything (aaahhh, NO), I think she is unable to see me through a totally clear lens. So I've been dusting off the resume and crafting a cover letter that makes me sound nothing short of amazing. In many ways, I'm ready to head out there and start something new. Ready to do some learning and growing of my own. I've been praying a lot that God would open the right door at the right time, and I am interested to see what the next few weeks will hold. He's got this. I've got to trust that.

So while change has never been something I've embraced completely, it serves a most important role. Reevaluating where we're at, where we've been, and where we're going is the beautiful byproduct of change. There's been something inside me wanting to get out for years. Dreams that won't go away and at the same time have never been clearly defined. It's like a hazy idea that has never come into focus, no matter which way I try to see it. So for now, I will take baby steps forward and wait for God to open the door for me. He's such a gentleman, isn't He?

I've been thinking about taking up the spoons...

When October Goes...

This time of year holds unsurpassed beauty, cool breezes that refresh and awakenen senses that have enjoyed easy slumber in the long lazy days of summer. As I reach for a sweater this morning to face the brisk autumn air, I welcome the day with a thankful heart for all the possibilities this day holds. Most of my adult life I have been searching for my place, never really knowing where I fit. God has filled me with dreams but as of yet I am uncertain how they should take shape. I have chased them in many wrong directions, often giving in to feelings of disappointment and regret. But today I am thankful that my Heavenly Father knows. He knows the right way for me to go, the timing and the treasure. He knows me.... to Him, I am not nearly as complicated as I think.

So as we turn the page into November and say farewell to October, let's look forward to the possibilities that He holds in His Hands. Let's trust Him to forge a path that without Him would be filled with dead-ends. What will it look like for us to trust Him with the dreams in our hearts? The Giver of Dreams will be the Protector of the very same. Let's trust that He will finish what he began.

Lord,

I give You every hope and dream I've ever had, both big and small.
May the dream You planted in my heart begin to take shape and soar.

In Jesus Name,

Amen.

That First Big Step...

There is nothing quite like a new book. The promises wedged between pages of learning, mystery, growing, overcoming, and creativity speak to a woman's heart like nothing else. We turn pages, new or weathered, crisp or yellowed, and dream of taking steps closer to the women we were created to be before time began. We partner with the authors in an invisible way, learning and receiving from them and reaching out in a chain of love to the people in our lives. A gift both received and given. I gaze at the stack of books on my table and am both thrilled and overwhelmed. Where to begin? I guess with anything worthwhile, simply beginning is sometimes the biggest step of all. It can be all too easy to get stuck in a place of indifference or get swallowed up in feelings of insufficiency and loss of ambition. But I believe something truly miraculous happens in that first big step. God meets us there and IF we give Him room, He can do amazing things with those baby steps. He can paint on the canvas of our lives with brilliant color and sweeping brushstrokes, a masterpiece only He could create because we took the first big step toward wholeness, wellness, and holiness.

Today, I will take that first big step and give Him room to begin a masterpiece. How about you? What do your steps look like these days?

The Steps

The steps stretched out before me like an ancient ruin with the hope of treasure at the end. I followed them, breathing in the air heavy with the threat of rain. Everywhere the Creator's Hand was evident and I was humbled. The trees and rocks shouted Your fame, and each step took me deeper and deeper into Your Handiwork. Reaching the top, I glanced back at where I had been..... more specifically, where You had brought me. The truth that You have never left my side rang in my ears. The beauty that You created for my delight gave me pause. Everywhere I looked, there You were. And I was humbled again. Thank you, Father, over and over again. For all that You've done, all that You are doing, and all that You will do... Thank you.

"While I thought I was climbing,
I found myself descending,
Having lost my way.
Let me go up and down,
I have no other work to do."
Early Christian Hymn

Leap Year

I watched the movie “Leap Year” the other night for the 3rd time. I’m one of those people that latch onto movies that I like and end up watching them over and over again, taking something different away each time I view it. Can you relate? At first glance, this movie would seem to be a cheesy love story where a girl is looking for true love, lots of drama and angst in the middle, and a happily-ever-after ending. But this movie captured my attention for less than obvious reasons. The leading lady, Anna, a successful home stager and an ever-loyal girlfriend to a cardiologist in no hurry to take their relationship to the next level, lives her life attempting to control every last detail. Anna comes across slightly wounded by life’s disappointments, maybe a little nervous too for all that she is unable to control, namely a marriage proposal by her long-time boyfriend. Tucked away in the beginning of the movie is a brief encounter that she has with her dad where the viewer learns Anna’s father, although well-intentioned and loving, has never been dependable or able to provide her with a sense of security. He spent her younger years always chasing a “get-rich-quick ” opportunity and even losing the family home in one of his foolish schemes. She learned early on that she had to take care of herself, protect herself, and attempt to control her life in an effort to avoid being hurt. Even in her career as a home stager, she is able to control how people perceive a living space, turning something undesirable and unsellable into something new and pleasing. Of course, the movie has many funny parts where she attempts to surprise her boyfriend in Ireland with a proposal on Leap Day. Along the way she is met with one obstacle after another as she hires a down-on-his-luck Irish pub owner to get her from point A to point B.

Have I lost your interest yet? I hope not. I thought about Anna and how many of us women are like her. We have experienced disappointment in relationships and/or friendships and somehow have allowed that to change the women we are, the depth of relationship we allow, the extent to which we trust others. We can appear happy and trouble-free on the outside, but inside we live small lives, holding on to hurt and bitterness and never really letting our guard down. We can clean up pretty good but go from day to day with a wall surrounding our hearts. Maybe our woundedness transfers to our relationship with our Heavenly Father… trying to maintain a surface relationship with the Creator of the Universe, keeping Him at arm’s length away. Stepping away from a controlling and guarded life is not an easy one. It goes against everything in a heart that has been battered and bruised. Here's the good news: What seems impossible to us is far from impossible for Him. We can trust Him with our disappointments, our broken hearts, our need to control, and our desire for change. Breaking free from the illusion of control is a process. Isn’t that really what control is, an illusion? When we yield our will to His, we will begin to see change, little by little. He meets us at our point of need and walks with us the rest of the way home. A refining journey daily becoming the women we were created to be. A journey with a very clear destination. Trusting our lives and our hearts to the One who created us is most certainly the beginning of wisdom. A wise woman fearlessly facing each day is a powerful thing.

Go make today amazing.

Five-Minute Friday

In Real Life, I run fast to worry and too slow to realize my mistakes.

In Real Life, it takes me too long to recognize His Ever Presence, His Sufficiency, His Faithfulness to me.

In Real Life, I fall short of the woman I long to be.

While all this may be true, this is not the end of the story.

In Real Life, I hunger and thirst for more of Him in my life.

In Real Life, I realize the puzzle of my life will always be unfinished apart from Him.

In Real Life, He is interested in me, my details and my drama.

In Real Life, my imperfection does not make Him turn away.

In Real Life, I am loved and that is more than enough.